i think my tv is drunk
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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