i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize