Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
