"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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