Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
