after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
