Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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