i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Randomize
