awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We named our party play list daddy issues
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize