Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
