Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
