Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
