the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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