I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My penis needs a shock collar
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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