Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
