In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
