Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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