Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You were trust falling into bushes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize