guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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