dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
