JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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