Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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