By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
