you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
