My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
