I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
