thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
