I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
