She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
