a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Houston, we have a blender
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
