you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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