I'm going to jail i love you
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
sex in a hospital.. check
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize