My nipple is on Facebook.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
