Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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