I'm gonna have a badass scar
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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