Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
