Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
