Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
