I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
