I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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