we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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