my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My vagina just recognized that song.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
