My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
