Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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