I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
