Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
