I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
