oh god the rape fog is back!
please come you make the beer taste better
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
