i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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