My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize