Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
