mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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