she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
