i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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