I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
