Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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