His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need moral support for this bender
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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