I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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