I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
