That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
