i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
