So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
