did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
