Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
