Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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