Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Vodka?
Forever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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