OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
