yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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