dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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