There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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