I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
