I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize