i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize