so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
