I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
