Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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