I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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