Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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