I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
