I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize