At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
