is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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