So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
