Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
