Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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