i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
