bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
