Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
