absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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