Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
