Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
