I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
